Why Can I Not Orgasm During Sex
Sex is wonderful when you're in love (or at least, it should be). But it can also be excellent with a random hookup. That's not to say every person will have the best time of their lives when between the sheets with someone they have no intention of dating. If that's not your thing, good on you for knowing what you're not into. But if it is, you might be frustrated by how much harder it can be to orgasm with someone who doesn't know your body very intimately. Luckily, there are plenty of things you can do to boost your chances of coming, no matter who you're hooking up with.
1. Give yourself permission to truly enjoy it in the first place.
"There's a myth that women need an emotional connection to have sexual pleasure," Lexx Brown-James, Ph.D., licensed marriage and family therapist, tells SELF. "But it is possible to have sexual pleasure if you're not emotionally connected." No, that doesn't make you a slut, it makes you a person who contains multitudes and can enjoy herself in different ways.
"Some women still internalize shame about hookups," Ian Kerner, Ph.D., licensed marriage and family therapist and author of She Comes First, tells SELF. Consider those negative feelings orgasm kryptonite. "Being able to shut down anxiety or stress is crucial for women trying to have an orgasm," says Kerner. As long as everything is safe and consensual, you're well within your rights to do whatever you want!
2. Know exactly what you and your vagina like.
Here's some fun homework: Start begging off plans you didn't want to keep anyway—"Can't make it, I'm just soooo bushed from work. Next time!"—and stay in to figure out what gives you the best orgasms. Or just what makes you feel the best in general, because orgasms can be fickle. "Whether it's a hookup or long-term relationship, the more you know your own body and the types of stimulation that feel good, the better," says Kerner. If you don't know what you like on your own, it's much harder to orgasm during sex when there are quite literally all these moving parts.
3. Get warmed up.
That could mean making out for an hour. It could mean having an electric, intellectually stimulating debate about whether Pluto still deserves to be a planet. It could mean regular ol' foreplay. "Starting arousal earlier than any kind of penetrative sex is important," says Brown-James. It can take women's bodies a while to tick off all the physiological ready-for-sex markers, like higher blood flow to the genitals and amped up vaginal lubrication.
4. Use lube.
If someone put a $100 bill and a $50 bill in front of you, which would you choose? Going without lube can be the sexual version of snapping up that $50 even though the $100 is right there. Still awesome, but it could have been even better. "Although women do make their own lubricant when aroused, adding some can help reduce the amount of friction and increase the amount of sensitivity, helping pleasure last longer," says Brown-James.
Just remember to avoid oil-based lubricant because it breaks down latex-based condoms and dental dams, and you're definitely using those, right?
5. And actually speak up about what you like.
"One of the benefits of casual sex is that it's good practice for partnered sex you may have later," says Kerner. If something's not quite working for you, Brown-James recommends suggesting exactly what you would like rather than simply being like, "lol, stop." It's a little kinder on your hookup's ego while still getting what you want.
Why Can I Not Orgasm During Sex
Source: https://www.self.com/story/orgasm-during-random-hookups